Nic Cage as Ghost Rider
Starting things off with a bang is Nic Cage because, if you’re talking about ridiculous casting, Nic Cage is a great place to start. The context barely even matters. But in this case, it’s Nic’s second most preposterous role (after the Wicker Man) that makes him fodder for our criticisms. Nic and his hairpiece play Johnny Blaze, who becomes the Ghost Rider and hangs out with Sam Elliot’s character from The Big Lebowski to hunt down an emo asshole in a crappy town in Texas where everyone was a jerk. Or something like that.
Nic Cage may be the precise dictionary definition of every antonym for super that there is. Maybe in his 20’s he could have convinced someone that this would work, but these days he seems like a Mad Hatter who everyone refuses to institutionalize. He’s not intimidating or heroic particularly and even if he were, his hairpiece throughout this entire movie looks like a deformed honey badger trying to eat his scalp
Tom Welling as Clark Kent
If you are not now or have never been a teenaged girl, you may not have ever seen Smallville. It apparently had something to do with Superman and a bald boy. No one cares because it was Dawson’s Creek-level drama with pseudo superpowers and was, arguably, the worst superhero adaptation ever and that includes the Justice League movie that featured Charles Emerson Winchester III as the Martian Manhunter.
Tom Welling played young Clark Kent and it wasn’t that the kid was so bad at first as Superman it’s that he wasn’t Superman. The show ran for God knows how many seasons and he never became Superman ever. On the one hand the producers were awkwardly trying to tell the story of Superman before he was Superman, but on the other hand Clark Kent was always Superman so he should have at least slapped an S on his chest and flown to the hamburger stand in downtown Smallville at least once. But he didn’t. So this kid was cast in a pointless role for no reason, really.
Halle Berry as Catwoman
One of the most curious things in the history of acting is Halle Berry and her entire career. She’s won an Academy Award and yet it seems like every role she takes is worse than ever other role. If you were to watch two of her movies at the same time and try to decide which performance was worse your ears would likely start bleeding as you blacked out and lost your memory of the previous 24 hours. Despite this, she’s very popular, possibly because she’s hot. Or maybe because of The Last Boyscout. That was a great movie.
No one liked the movie Catwoman because it was worse than Hitler AIDS. Halle Berry was cast in the role because of two things – she was riding high on a wave of superhero goodwill from her useless turn as Storm in the X-Men and it was during Hollywood’s curious “let’s intentionally unintentionally cast people of different races in roles” phase that also saw Michael Clarke Duncan as the Kingpin, Cedric the Entertainer as Ralph Kramden and Ashton Kutcher in Guess Who as who cares. All of those movies sucked, too.
When you think of women who can kick your ass, you probably don’t think of Halle Berry. While she’s in shape, she also seems like she spends most of her day just looking pretty and maybe fretting over her lack of Perrier.
Topher Grace as Venom
Toper Grace as a superhero would be preposterous. Topher Grace as a menacing supervillain is as ridiculous as FOX news anchors teaching journalism classes. In the comics Eddie Brock is a monster of a man who hates Spiderman for ruining his life. He finds the suit and becomes Venom and thinks he’s a good guy, wants to be a superhero, is a giant beast that scares everyone and still hates Spiderman. However, in the movie, he’s basically exactly the same as Peter Parker, hates Peter Parker and just becomes more of an asshole with the suit on.
Venom should have been a big, misguided fool, not a weiner. Remember that, casting directors – only cast Topher Grace in roles that require wieners.
Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl
After Tim Burton’s tolerable run with Batman, Joel Schumacher took over after abusing a cocktail of mind-altering substances. The results are two of the worst pieces of shit ever put on film. But the final piece of shit really takes the cake for any number of reasons – George Clooney’s abhorrent Batman, Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, those guys on ice skates, etc. And then there was Alicia Silverstone. She was supposed to be Alfred’s niece, despite not being English and has all the energy of a dog being put to sleep. She also evokes the idea of superheroism in much the same way a hobo makes you think of cleanliness.
Ben Affleck as DareDevil
I can go on and on about how horrible this movie is. The fact that every character belongs on this blog (but I dont have the time or energy). Flat out horrible
and the worst Misguided Superhero Casting is......
Shaq as Steel
Steel was originally a Superman, which you may not have known if you saw the movie as they didn’t really mention it ever. See, back in the day, DC made a big deal out of killing Superman in the comics and then having new Supermen take his place, including Superboy, a cyborg Superman, a clone and Steel, a man named John Henry Irons who was inspired by Superman to do good but, having no powers of his own, he made a suit out of steel to help him in his quest to right wrongs.
The weird thing is Shaq looked just like the comic book hero. The bad thing is Shaq's acting carrier was just like his basketball carrier "EMBARRASING". By the way There was no good thing
BONUS!!!! **HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ARTICLE**
Natalie Portman’s ass!!!!
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